Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
