So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
