So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
