Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize