He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How external is "for external use only"?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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