I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
