My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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