I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
