we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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