Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
