there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
