the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
