and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
