someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
