By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
