FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
