Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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