my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
