I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we're so committed to being not committed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize