nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
