South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
