The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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