Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize