Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
