Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
