I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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