Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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