Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
