your parents love me but you hate me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
