I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
