you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
