Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
