so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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