Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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