Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
