We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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