i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
