was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
