Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
