the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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