PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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