We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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