Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
