She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
