I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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