we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize