Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
