Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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