It's Friday. Sex?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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