if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
