The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
