It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
