so explain again why im purple
no
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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