Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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