remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
