nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
