I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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