I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
