I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
