i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Less talking, more tequila
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
