Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize