absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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