Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
