After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
