Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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