i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
