I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
