he shaved USA in his pubs
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
