It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
