Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
