He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
