Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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