just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Randomize