were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
