if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
