I want to have your abortion
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize